Join the Team!Have an idea for an article?Find out More about joining the team.

Trumps New Cabinet Announced – All Wrestling Version

Don’t forget to check Trumps Cabinet all Biblical Edition.

Vice President

Triple H

Hunter Hearst Helmsley, was not an easy or the first choice for Mr. Trump. However all roads kept pointing back to HHH. He is currently a VP for WWE, and The Game knows how to get things done. When asked what he thought about those who think he’s not qualified he said “I got two words for ya”

Secretary of State

The Honky Tonk Man

The HTM was picked for this position because he had the longest reign of any Intercontinental Champion in the history of the WWF. Mr Trump was quoted as saying, “Mr Tonk Man will be a Huuuuge asset to my team. He can related to any and everyone around the world. His music makes everyone happy!”

Secretary of Treasury

Ted Dibiase

The Million Dollar Man is a self made man. Just the type of man Mr Trump likes. “He will bring stability to the economy, the likes the US has not seen since the start of the great depression” said Mr. Trump.

Secretary of Defense

Sgt Slaughter

Born at Paris Island this WWE Hall of Famer(2004), is sure to be confirmed by congress without any dispute. He’s most famous quotes is also something Mr Trump likes to say. “I love the smell of burnt flesh in the morning”

Attorney General

Jerry “The King” Lawler

After nominating Lawler, Trump admitted he thought he was a lawyer and that was the only reason for the nomination. Trump did not rescind the announcement because he was afraid of what Lawler would do to him.

Secretary of Interior

Dude Love

The dude is a peace loving hippy, well not that peaceful. No one in Trump’s America could make sure the national parks systems is brought up to Trump standards.

Secretary of Agriculture

Hillbilly Jim

Mr Jim, has been a Kentucky Hillbilly he’s entire life. Mr. Trump didn’t have to think long about this appointment.

Secretary of Commerce

Bobby “The Brain” Heenan

Trump was quoted as saying, “The Brain knows how to work with people and bring them together to make deals happen. When I think back to all the early Wrestlemania days you know he was behind all the big matches. He’s going to bring that power now to DC.”

Secretary of Labor

Big Boss Man

Mr Trump hates unions. He knows with this pick The Boss Man will make sure we never see another strike in this country. “With a club in his right hand and handcuffs in his left, we can make Labor great again” said Trump

Secretary of Health and Human Services

Papa Shango

This Witch Doctor has big plans on how to revamp Obamacare. Shango plans on curing all ills with some incenses, garlic, and a voo-doo doll.

Secretary of HUD

Hacksaw Jim Duggan

This WWE Hall of Fame Wrestler brought a 2 x 4 and flag with him to the interview. Mr Trump could not find a more America loving person than Hacksaw. Hacksaw will bring hooooooooooo, back to the White House.

Secretary of Transportation

Thurman “Sparky” Plugg

The NASCAR driver turned WWF wrestler should be a perfect fit for the Transportation department. He’s knowledge of the national highway system is well documented something.

Secretary of Energy

The Ultimate Warrior

Trumps reason on this pick was simple, he said “Who has more energy than this guy, besides me of course”

Secretary of Education

Lanny Poffo “The Genuis”

Lanny has already shared plans to overhaul the education system. While he does not plan on bringing paddling back to the class room he does plan on allowing teachers to suplex kids that misbehave.

Secretary of Veteran Affairs

The Undertaker

The ‘Taker plans to make sure all veterans voices are heard. He will pass out bells for all to ‘dong’ when matters are not moving as fast as they wish. He was quoted as saying “When you hear the ‘Taker’s Dong you know its on”

Secretary of Homeland Security

Degeneration X

Because Triple H will serve as the VP for Mr Trump and not have time to help with this role, two other members of DX will help. XPac and Billy Gunn plan on “tag-teaming” the appointment.